Plan A
Adoption has always been part of “Plan A” for us. During our engagement, we would talk about our vision for our family and we both expressed the desire for biological and adopted children. We were married in March of 2014 and immediately felt led to grow our family. After a couple years, we found out that the biological part of our “Plan A” was not an option. However, God gave us hearts for the orphans before we knew this. Adoption is in our identity and written in our stories as God’s children. It is an amazing picture of God’s radical love for us (John 14:18). The calling became clear and in January 2017 we began the process of adopting from India.
Two long years passed and we still were not matched with a child. In the long hours of paperwork, fundraising, doctor visits, conference calls, exchanging hundreds of e-mails, trips to FedEx, and depleting finances, we began to grow weary. Our very home became a barren wilderness and grounds for spiritual warfare. We realized we needed to depend upon Christ more than ever before. It was the kind of waiting that begged God’s question, “Am I enough?”. We grew in the waiting, believing “Yes, He is enough”. He is our portion and satisfaction forever (Psalm 73:26).
Not much more time had passed before we received a referral from India. We were blessed with the match of a healthy, seven-year old boy named Krishna. He captured our hearts with his big brown eyes and pouty lips. A few days later our case worker called with some news: Krishna was not by himself and had been living at the orphanage with his two younger sisters Nema and Seema! After spending the week in prayer, we said yes to the sibling group of three!
It was exciting to finally be matched with three precious children and know the littles we would be parenting. Then, four months into the process we were told the adoption of the sibling group would not be possible. Abruptly, we had lost our match and were asked to forget about the children. We couldn’t of course. Were they going home? Were they still left as orphans? When we asked these things we were told it wouldn’t be possible and to please just allow our case worker to put us back on the wait list. At this time, the wait list was approximately 1-3 years. More waiting, more unknowns, and more wilderness. But wasn’t this what we prayed for? For His will to be done? This time we did not run from the pain that was settling back into our home but embraced it fully knowing that our God would comfort us. And He did – His Word navigated us through the hurt while we took comfort in knowing we were fully known and fully loved by our Creator.
A few more months passed, months of sadness, restless nights, and resting at the foot of the cross where our hands remained open to what He had for us. If I’d wake in the night, I’d open my Bible. I kept opening to Exodus where God is revealed as Way Maker. God led Moses and the Israelites the long way through the wilderness. There were doubts and struggles that were so great that the freed slaves even considered returning back to slavery. Right as their enemies were approaching, God parted the Red Sea and made a way where there wasn’t. Not only is He Way Maker in this event in the Bible but ultimately through Christ in our own adoptions and salvations. We came to understand that God was telling us to have faith, that He was fighting for us, and we only had to be still and be silent – “Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord…. The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent” (Exodus 14:13-14).
Later, in August, we received an e-mail with the final document we had been waiting for when were still matched with our sibling group. We called our case worker to inquire about the document since the Indian authorities deemed this adoption impossible. She said, “It is really happening! They are giving you your kids!” We were shouting and celebrating over the phone together! Way Maker! Miracle Worker! Promise Keeper! “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26).
It is the Lord who is divinely orchestrating our journey. He has not yet fully written our adoption story, but what He has done in transforming our hearts along the way has been more precious than giving us over to our desire for children. He is carefully knitting our hearts together to be more for Him in the waiting. Our hope lies in Jesus and whenever God blesses us with the day we can be united with our little arrows, we hope to raise them up to be disciples who go out and make disciples. And if He doesn’t then we will not fall because our house is built upon the Rock that is our Lord (Matthew 7:24-27). Still, our prayer remains the same: “Your will, not ours, be done, Lord. We trust You and Your plan for all five of us. May You have the praise and the glory forever in whatever You do. Amen.”